#9 GOOD GRIEF NEWS
THOUGHTS ABOUT LOSS ACCEPTANCE, GRIEF COMPETENCE & COMPANIONSHIP WITH GRIEF
Photo by Azis Pradana on Unsplash
As the year draws to a close, we find ourselves amidst a complicated landscape: ongoing wars, ecological crises, and a rising tide of populism. Lots of events underscore the persistent fragility of our times. Amidst these challenges, I believe that grief competence — the ability to process and live with loss — will become one of the critical skills of the future.
Book cover Suhrkamp Verlag, photo of the author by ©Jürgen Bauer, also via the publisher
The ability to grieve as a future skill
Grief is no longer confined to personal loss; it now permeates collective experiences. The COVID-19 pandemic pushed the world into a state of planetary mourning, a reckoning with loss on an unprecedented scale. And yet, societal norms often demand that we quickly return to "business as usual," bypassing the deep processing of loss that is necessary for healing. In this context, grief becomes a silent act of resistance — an act that defies the productivity-driven expectations of late capitalism.
Andreas Reckwitz, one of Germany’s leading sociologists, discusses this in his book Verlust: Ein Grundproblem der Moderne (Loss: A Fundamental Problem of Modernity). He argues that while loss is inherent to life, modern societies operate on the assumption that losses will be compensated by future gains. This belief, deeply rooted in the narrative of progress, has shaped how we perceive and respond to loss. Reckwitz warns, however, that this paradigm is collapsing. The ecological crisis, in particular, has made certain losses—species extinction, unlivable habitats—irrevocable, forcing us to confront the uncomfortable truth that not all losses can be balanced by gains.
Podcast “All there is”, season 3 / episode 3 with Francis Weller
Accepting losses we cannot reverse
We are entering a time where “loss acceptance” (according to Reckwitz) — acknowledging and integrating irreversible losses — will be essential. This isn’t about passive resignation; it’s about meaningful mourning. Just as individuals grapple with grief after the death of a loved one, societies must develop rituals and practices to process collective losses. The ongoing climate crisis is a stark example: while we must work to mitigate its effects, some losses like melting glaciers or disappearing ecosystems are permanent. Reconciling with these realities requires emotional resilience and a cultural shift.
Companionship with grief
Author and grief educator Francis Weller describes an approach to deal with loss in an interview with Anderson Cooper for his podcast “All There Is”:
“We don't have much knowledge in grief and consequently, we push back against it. And we don't know how to deal with it, to write it, to dance it, to talk about it, to share it, to ritualise it. We are so passive around grief, so that when it comes, we are basically caught off guard and do not know how to respond. We want to get out of this as fast as possible. And we have many ways to do that. All the distractions, the busyness, the alcohol, the drugs, whatever it takes to get us out of the depth of these places. I think what happens when we start to become less avoidant and less resistant to it is that we start to develop a companionship with it. - A companionship with grief.”
This approach, which encourages us to integrate the experience of loss into our lives, to engage with grief rather than avoid it, can be a first step in dealing with the complexities of both personal and societal loss. Learning to deal with grief at a societal level can support flexible thinking, conflict resolution and confidence building, as we not only respond rationally to relevant events, but also connect with what is emerging emotionally.
An Invitation to reflect
As we approach the end of the year, we could also take some time to reflect. What losses have you faced this year, and how have they shaped you? How can we, as individuals and as communities, cultivate grief competence—not as a means of self-optimization but as a way to live fully and authentically in the face of life’s uncertainties?
Let’s continue this conversation. Feel free to share your thoughts with me.
💫 Looking back at 2024…
As a little Christmas present this year, I have made reflection cards for my contacts and clients with questions about traditions, the past year and of course questions with a Good Grief twist.
I am so incredibly grateful for all my followers and newsletter subscribers that I would like to give these cards to you, too! You can find them HERE in German and English! Feel free to print them or just use them digitally. You could use them to look back at 2024 in a quiet moment alone, or perhaps with a larger group around the New Year's table.
And of course I would like to thank you for your support and cheerleading, your questions and discussions and for the countless examples, articles and quotes that I often receive. I am always super happy to hear from you!
✨ See you in 2025! ✨
Thanks for reading!
👉🏼 Are you interested in learning more about my research or exploring opportunities for collaboration? Send me an email and let's start the conversation!
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Thank you for reading GOOD GRIEF NEWS, a monthly newsletter on trends and fresh perspectives around death, grief and remembrance. You can see more of my work at goodgrief.me or stefanieschillmoeller.com and feel free to follow me on Instagram.
28.12.2024