#7 GOOD GRIEF NEWS
ON PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS, DISTANT AND COLLECTIVE GRIEF
AP/Natacha Pisarenko via Inquirer.net
Grieving from afar: The impact of loss we feel but can’t touch
The sudden death of One Direction singer Liam Payne was widely reported last week. I am not a ‘Directioner’ but no one can deny the huge cultural impact that One Direction had on a lot of people. As Harpers Bazar put it: “Considered one of the biggest boybands in music history, the group sold more than 70 million records worldwide, and won seven Brit Awards, and completed four global tours. The group reached a level of celebrity reserved for a very few.” And: “One Direction’s fame was a first of its kind for being born in the age of social media, giving fans unfettered access into their lives.” Many (young) people around the world mourned in public.
Mourning people we don't know
One of the reasons we grieve for people we've never met is because of what psychologists call parasocial relationships. These are one-way relationships we form with public figures, such as musicians, actors or even social media influencers. We may never have had a conversation with them, but through their work, their presence in our lives becomes deeply personal.
When someone like Liam Payne dies, it can feel like we've lost someone we knew because their music, interviews or posts were a constant part of our emotional world. Even if we were never part of their real life, the emotional connection can be very real.
"The tears shed, the heartfelt tributes and the deep sense of sadness are all authentic expressions of grief. We grieve not just for the person, but for the loss of what they represented in our lives,” says Maria Bailey, founder of Grief Specialists, in an article in Harpers Bazar.
Scott A Garfitt/Invision/AP via The Independent
Collective grief and emotional fellowship
Because the band has had (and continues to have) such a wide impact, we can also observe collective grief. Collective grief is a powerful, shared emotion that arises when we mourn not only an individual, but also the memories and meaning they represent to us.
For Directioners and many others, the loss of Payne marks the end of an era (often their youth!) that brought light and companionship to difficult moments in life. These artists become symbols of specific memories, experiences and even personal milestones, creating connections that feel deeply personal.
Experts say that when we experience collective grief, it also allows us to form unexpected communities, often finding comfort in shared loss with others who feel similarly. This process is natural and can even be healing, providing an outlet for emotions we might otherwise feel compelled to keep private.
“Collective grief has a unique power to magnify personal emotions,” Maria Bailey says. “When we see so many others openly expressing their sadness, sharing their memories, and celebrating the celebrity's impact, it validates the depth of our own feelings. This collective mourning not only helps individuals process their emotions but also reinforces the realness of the grief they experience.”
Photo by Samuel Bryngelsson on Unsplash
How to cope with grief at a distance
If you're feeling emotionally affected by the loss of someone you didn't know personally, here are some ways to help you cope:
* Acknowledge your feelings: The first step is to recognise that your grief is valid. You don't have to minimise it just because the person was not a direct part of your life. Whether you're mourning a public figure or the loss of life in a distant place, these feelings are real and deserve attention. Maybe write down those feelings to give them some space.
* Limit media exposure: While it is important to stay informed, too much exposure to constant news or tributes can be overwhelming. Set boundaries - take a break from social media or turn off news alerts if you feel emotionally overwhelmed. This can give you the space you need to process your emotions at your own pace.
* Create a personal tribute: Find small, meaningful ways to honour the person or tragedy you're mourning. You could create a playlist of the artist's music, donate to a cause that supports victims of conflict, or even light a candle in memory of those lost. These actions can help focus your grief and help you feel more connected to the loss in a way that's personal and healing.
And remember, there's no right or wrong way to grieve!
Podcast recommendation.
Season 3 of Anderson Cooper's All There Is has just been released! As one of my all-time favorite podcasts, I’ve found myself returning to these episodes more than once. Cooper’s approach to exploring loss, grief, and healing feels both deeply personal and universal, thanks to his openness and insightful conversations with guests.
If you’re new to the podcast, I’d recommend starting from Season 1, especially the episodes featuring Stephen Colbert and Laurie Anderson are my favorites — two powerful conversations that showcase vulnerability, humor, and unexpected wisdom in the face of loss. I’m looking forward to diving into the new season, and I hope it resonates as much for you as it has for me.
Event tip.
One conference has been on my wish list for a long time: End Well 2024 will take place again in Los Angeles on 22 November. Key voices and innovators in the end-of-life space will share the latest developments, projects and their vision for transforming death and dying.
I know, California is a long way to go for one day, but End Well is also offering tickets for their live stream if you still want to participate in some way! I watched it last year (at least half of it due to the time difference) and it was really worthwhile.
Thanks for reading!
💡 Are you interested in learning more about my research or exploring opportunities for collaboration? Send me an email and let's start the conversation!
***
Thank you for reading GOOD GRIEF NEWS, a monthly newsletter on trends and fresh perspectives around death, grief and remembrance. You can see more of my work at goodgrief.me or stefanieschillmoeller.com and feel free to follow me on Instagram.
25.10.2024