#4 GOOD GRIEF NEWS
Contemplating Death Awareness: Between #CarpeDiem, #YOLO, and #YODO
When my great-aunt Ilse passed away, an experience that inspired my project Good Grief, I was struck by how finite and precious life is. Until then, I had rarely thought about death. Perhaps that's typical when you're young; you feel invincible, assuming everything will last forever—for you and your loved ones. You envision endless tomorrows, with death a distant concept.
Upon realizing this, I also recognized my ignorance. There is immense value in being aware of our finiteness, not just fear. This awareness has shifted my perspective on life in a lot of areas, enabling me to appreciate small moments and make bolder, more adventurous and life-affirming decisions. This shift in perspective, looking at your life from the end, became one of my motivations for Good Grief: to help people understand the gift of life and enjoy it more.
Awareness of death is intertwined with concepts like #carpediem, #YOLO (You Only Live Once) and #YODO (You Only Die Once). Many embrace ‘YOLO’ as a free pass to do whatever they want, sometimes using it to justify poor decisions. There's a fine line between living life to the fullest and making impulsive, regrettable choices.
Instead of living like there's no tomorrow, perhaps we should "live a little every day." This idea, embodied in ‘YODO,’ carries more substance, compelling us to make thoughtful decisions.
But is it possible and realistic to develop a healthy 'death consciousness'?
I recently listened to a podcast series connected to the Dutch TV show called “Over mijn lijk” (Over My Dead Body). The show follows terminally ill young people, exploring their perspectives on life, their hopes, fears, and legacies.
In one episode, the moderator Tim Hoffman discusses the concept of “bonus time” with his guests — time lived beyond a terminal diagnosis. One guest, Jip, diagnosed with a brain tumor and given months to live, has now surpassed that prognosis by actually a couple of years. She describes her experience as an identity crisis: “I’ve been living for 10 years with the idea: ‘I’m going to die any moment,’ and I'm done with that feeling. You can't always ‘live in the moment’ and be constantly aware of the inevitable end.”
Jip talks about how she sold many of her possessions, travelled the world and ticked off her bucket list, only to find herself still alive (which is great, but sometimes mentally challenging). This prolonged state of 'death awareness' led her to avoid long-term plans, thinking about the future and sometimes following mundane routines. It can make you a little sarcastic (or depressed) about life…
What’s the right balance?
On one hand, being aware of our mortality can inspire us to cherish our time, fostering a greater sense of appreciation and motivating us to pursue meaningful experiences.
On the other hand, the constant push to live each moment to its fullest can be exhausting and unrealistic. Life includes mundane tasks, responsibilities, and moments that aren't always thrilling or profound. The pressure to make every second count can lead to burnout and a feeling of inadequacy when life doesn't meet these heightened expectations.
I guess, a balanced approach is essential, like always. Embrace death awareness to cultivate gratitude and motivation but allow space for the ordinary and routine. And it's okay to have days that are just "okay," to take breaks, and to live without constant pressure to make the best out of it.
Podcast tip.
“The Happiness Lab”
For further reflection on how contemplating death can lead to a better life, I recommend the latest episode of “The Happiness Lab” by Dr. Laurie Santos. A Yale professor, Santos discusses with Death Doula Alua Arthur how the shadow of death encourages kindness and motivates us to enjoy the small things and might inspire greater fulfillment in our careers and in our relationships.
A little exercise.
For those willing to engage in a death awareness exercise, consider this activity during your next IKEA visit. Take one of their free paper measuring tapes and find out the average life expectancy in your country. In the Netherlands, it's 83 years. Cut the tape at this number, then cut another piece corresponding to your current age. Keep the remaining piece as a reminder of the life you have left. Maybe take it with you on holiday as a unique memento mori. :-)
Let’s discuss.
>> Understanding and embracing death awareness can profoundly impact our lives, pushing us to live more intentionally and appreciate the time we have. Let's balance the spirit of #CarpeDiem and #YOLO with the thoughtful consideration of #YODO. What do you think? How do you incorporate death awareness into your life?
Feel free to share your thoughts, just hit reply.
☀️ Happy holidays!
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Thank you for reading GOOD GRIEF NEWS, a monthly newsletter on trends and fresh perspectives around death, grief and remembrance. You can see more of my work at goodgrief.me or stefanieschillmoeller.com and feel free to follow me on Instagram.
23.07.2024