I’m a single Mum, an only child, and recently both of my parents died too. It’s a strange dynamic. I’m pretty sure we are tribal beings, this lifetime feels strange.
My Mum was about 3 chemo cycles into palliative treatment for stage 4 cancer, when my Dad died of a huge coronary unexpectedly. My Mum tried to stay for as long as she could after that, but let go 13 months later.
Whilst keeping cool as beans on the outside, I was a wobbly mess on the inside whilst my Mum was ill, just taking each moment as it came. By the time she passed, it had been almost 2 years of running on adrenaline, trying to give my Mum a graceful exit, keeping my shit, and hers together whilst being a Mum myself, working and processing everything that was happening too. (she lived alone so I was sole carer, alongside the Iain Rennie nurses…) Why am I telling you this? It made me really unwell – in a strange auto-immune way. I knew I had to emotionally recover as quickly as reasonably possible, get my body/mind back to balance again, start to heal properly. I had to re-create my life, a completely new landscape.
Like it or not.
Why am I writing this blog?
It’s been 5 years almost since my parents passed, and mostly, things are good. Now and again, there are days where it all surfaces, shitty days happen still, but not so often.
I was feeling stuck, exploring my options, trying to move it all to a ‘cooler place’ I Googled it. “Orphan and only child”
There was one thread – one! …and by the time I had finished reading it I was about ready to lob myself off of the sofa.
Many bereavement websites suggest and promote counseling. I’m not knocking counseling, really. However, in this case – unless the counselor is has been through this, lost both parents and experiencing this lifetime as an only, we cannot connect in the way I need.
Finding balance between the past, the future without them, and those moments that creep up and kick you right in the heart.
Who knows what will come of this blog, I hope that if you’re ever in need of reading it, that you know at least that you’re not alone in this.
If you happen to share this dynamic – say hello? Comments welcome x